Mutual Grace: The Unexpected Blessing of Doing Life Together
For about a year and a half, I had the privilege of discipling a close friend. The funny thing is, I had no idea that is what I was doing at the time—"discipleship" wasn’t even in my vocabulary. Looking back, I am so grateful for how God worked, especially since I didn't have any kind of spiritual buddy system when I first began my own journey with Christ.
My friend—I’ll call her Starla—was going through intense personal and family trials when God brought us back together. Instead of trying to put on a show, I simply integrated her into my far-from-perfect life. She stepped right into the messy, noisy reality of my home. She watched me navigate life with a half-dozen kids, plus the neighborhood kids who were constantly floating in and out. She saw the chaos, the unfiltered moments, and the freedom my kids had to just be kids.
Her children and mine bonded instantly. While they built blanket forts, created art projects, and ran wild, Starla and I had the space to talk, unpack our lives, and pray. Some of our visits lasted over twelve hours—an entire work shift and a half! We read books, shared meals, and did life together.
Our connection ran deep because we had been childhood neighbors for a few years before she moved away. Reconnecting as adults gave us a rich context that you just can't get with a new acquaintance or in a clinical counseling setting. We already knew each other's roots. There is something truly profound about knowing someone as a child, watching them grow, and seeing how the pieces of their life fit into the mosaic of who God created them to be.
For over a year, our lives were filled with multiple weekly visits and endless text threads. Then, as seasons often do, things shifted. My older children got involved in more activities, Starla’s schedule filled up, and our frequent long meetings naturally waned. While transitions like this can feel bittersweet, they are necessary. As believers, human support is a gift, but we must ultimately learn to depend on God. People have limitations; God does not.
The most beautiful outcome of this season was the two-way growth we experienced. It blows my mind that God can take someone as ordinary and sinful as me to encourage one of His children. Seeing Starla today—walking boldly in her calling, ministering to her family, coworkers, and community, and enduring trials well for the cause of Christ—is priceless.
What Starla might not fully realize is how much God used her to heal my heart, too. Before she re-entered my life, I had come out of a deeply painful season. I had gone through hard breakups with friend groups, set uncomfortable boundaries with family, experienced a falling out with a close neighbor, and felt marginalized by our former church because my family is apolitical. We love Jesus, but we choose not to align with political parties, and that stance cost us relationships.
We endured that season well and drew tighter as a family unit, but my heart was weary. Starla’s arrival softened me. Her presence reminded me not to let bitterness take root and showed me that every new person deserves a fresh reservoir of grace. Ours was never a parasite-host dynamic; it was pure mutual blessing.
You don’t need to be a visible church leader to make disciples. You don’t need a picture-perfect marriage, impeccably behaved children, or a showroom home to point people to Jesus. Starla often told me that watching my unfiltered, chaotic life in real-time was exactly what helped her most.
God doesn't call for a curated persona. All it takes is a willing heart, the Word of God, a dedicated life, a love for His people—and maybe a little coffee.